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Assalamualaikum,
it has been so long since my last post. Okay, for previous weeks and months, so many thing have changed.

Being a NYDP

I swear, never in my life that I imagine to be bearing this much of burden. C'mon, this isnt a child's play. This is a total serious matter. Ingatkan setakat jadi exco pun tinggi dah, sekali NYDP. For three days, I cant sleep since the day I got nominated. Semua masalah saya pikir (sampai sekarang pun), tekanan semua tu kat saya. Those hows and ifs. Saya kena berurusan dengan semua orang, yang atas dan yang bawah. Saya taknak saya yang menyebabkan orang bawahan saya terbeban. Kalau orang bawah saya buat salah, saya yang kena (I mean including the YDP la). Kalau orang atas membebankan kitorang, orang bawah dok buat demonstrasi la apa la, sebab nak pertahankan hak la kununnya.

Saya pun terpikir kalau orang tak dengar cakap saya, arahan saya. Risau sebab it will affect the whole system. Dah nak setiap hari terpikir. Nak jdi cerita, saya ada keluar jumpa kawan sekolah. Saya ada tanya pendapat Insyirah. Me/Insyirah

"how eh, nak orang dengar cakap kita?"
"sapa yang pegang hati dia? tanya la kat siapa yang pegang hati dia."
(dia nak cakap doa kat Allah, if you dont understand *rolling eyes)

I swear that hits me hard and make me felt stupid. So much stress where you already know the solution.

Oh and btw, if you dont have such experience, dont say it's a measly thing to be stressed out for. You are not qualified to said so.

Raya

Tahun ni raya macam itu jela. Sebab raya masa final. Tapi sekurangnya, dapat jumpa balik kawan sekolah lama. Budak kelas Abk'95, sekolah seksyen 18 dulu. Dah 2 tahun tak jumpa. Tak sangka ramai yang boleh datang masa tu. Ramainya boleh buat full house ha. Lepas tu budak kelas kat UiTM ni pun datang untuk kali pertama menapak to my humble house. Dari dulu sembang nak datang, akhirnya sembangan jadi realiti. Mungkin sebab dah cukup 40 kali cakap kut hahaha. Tapi, terima kasih datang semua hehe. Sorry tak mampu buat banyak sebab datang time mak ayah saya tengah kerja. Nak buat makanan pun, korang datang bukan sikit, datang ramai-ramai. So makan angin jela hehe.

Tapi selain tu, tak rasa semangat pun nak sambut raya tu. Lagipun, masa bulan Ramadan tu macam banyak masa disia-siakan. Pikir hal dunia. Lepas tu terabai la bulan ramadan dengan perkara lagha, lagi melagha kan. Astaghfirullah. Hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu betapa ruginya rasa. Betapa membuak-buak rasa nak putar balik masa tu, demi nak manfaatkan setiap detik tu. Allahu. Tapi, menangis air mata darah pun, masa tu takkan datang balik. I can only hope for His mercy towards me, or maybe even grant me another holy Ramadan for years ahead, InsyaAllah.

Result

Result pun dah sampai la baru-baru ni. Dengan exam barai, dengan dapat jawatan berat. Siud betul. Tapi, sebenarnya saya dikira bersyukur sebenarnya dengan result saya tu. Saya dapat GPA 2.96. Tapi takde gagal. Semua memang B solid bhai. Okay, tak boleh la pikir camni. Nak taknak saya kena sedih, biar ada tekanan sikit. Semangat sikit nak belajar.

On one side saya gembira sebab, berbanding kawan yang tak buat apa-apa, saya yang ada join komander, still dapat pointer tu. Tapi sedih gakla, sebab masalah sekarang, JPA saya kena bagi sebab kemerosotan akademik sebab dapat pointer bawah 3. I need to find my lecturer for this, Takpela, semoga dipermudahkan urusan.

Apa-apa pun saya bersyukur la dengan semua nikmat yang saya dapat. Too much, I can ever wish for. From myself to my circle of people and my surrounding. Food I can ever be craving for, clothes I can wear, variety colour to pick (my oh my the pleasure in picking colours to my life haha), my gadget, and everything that I can define to be grateful of.

oh and happy 3 months and more to come, thank you.

suu zhon

Nothing much happen for the past week. And so I thought it would be. But, it's actually there is. There's so many things happened. Or I might just freaking out for nothing. Whatever happens, I need to calm my mind well.

Okay, I think, I should be careful with my words. With my selection of words. Since I'll be the one who do the talking, especially to the one who's older than me. I'm being the representative now. I think I need to act fast. Haha. So easy to say ha.

For now, I think, it will go smoothly, but theres so many things Im lacking of. I cannot predict the future. Well, this isnt about superstitious assumption. This is what you call, our sixth sense, psychologically. Yes, we have the capability. Maybe because I dont have enough experience. I cannot predict the future. Should I just watch and learn. Or should I start to act dumbly. Nope, I need to start asking around. Since this is my prime time. This is my show time

I'm starting to build my self confidence little by little. You need to just push yourself a little further. Get out of your safe zone. We must remember that our safe zone gives us no problem as well as profit. So, get your ass out and get out from there. Before it's too late. Try talk whatever you think, whatever came across to your mind.

Well, all the best me.

p/s: oh I'm having my final this week, and will continue after raya. 

faith

Orang cakap tak pernah terjadi situasi seperti ini. Its either people think it’s funny to vote someone like this or they have faith on me

Well, nobody has born perfect. I have this kind of voice that doesn’t seem convincing. I want to share what I feel. But, somehow people think it’s a battle on who have the worst scenarios. And then, I realized. People are expecting me to understand them. People have faith on me. I don’t want to disappoint them, might as well, break their heart.

I hear what people’s opinion and on. Sometimes, I just wonder, how I hear their opinion while they’re not as perfect as they talked. They are just loud talker. But, because of what they have been facing all this time, I respect them for that. Anyway, this burden is on me. Not anyone else’s.

People should stop talking this and that, because, you don’t have the authority. Once you’re in my shoes. Only then, you can talk whatever you want.

I really want to thank my partner, for giving me advice and on. Also, to those who still support me. The one who gave me advices, encouragement, or even those nice words to say for making me feel better of myself. Anyhow, nothing comes in mistake. It’s either a lesson or nice memory. 

Pos laju huhu

Assalamualaikum,

Kali ini cerita sikit. Ambil iktibar pun bolehh. Saya ada beli satu benda ni online. That item was sent and haven't got it until now. I got my tracking no. and I've already check on it. It's says that that item was dispatched out bla bla bla. So, I waited for few days, in case it's just plain late. I'm a very patient woman huhu. But then, it's almost a week already, without any news. Saya guna tracking number everyday untuk tahu status of my item tu. Then still nothing. It's very disappointing actually. Pos laju disappoint me.

Saya dah buat aduan (twice), and still waiting for news from them. I wanted to call pos laju, but then nobody even answer it. Why bother having no. to contact, if we can't reach them? bullshit. Lepas tu, I tried alternative way, using twitter acc. By tagging @pos4u, if I'm not mistaken. Thank God, they answer my question and all. But, still need time to know the reason bla bla bla.

And so, I'm waiting until now...

And to make things worse, I checked out all the blog about this kind of problem. Banyak gila masalah pos laju ni sebenarnya. And we cannot press charge against them if the borang pos laju isn't written accordingly. And that's what happen to me. If and only if my item or anybody else's, was stolen by any pekerja pos laju, they will win fortune la lahai. It's like opening birthday present. And that item, actually quite expensive. Well, it's about my right, my trust towards this so called no 1 courier service in malaysia.

So, do pray for me. And oh my advice. Never buy things online, if you don't want to take the risk. Don't buy expensive things online. Write everything accordingly so you can press charge toward pos laju if anything happen. Just spent extra money for the safety of your item to reduce the risk, you cheapskate. Don't use pos laju.

2015 wrap up

Semester break has finally come and it is exactly on the new year season. 2015 hit me hard in the head, literally. 

I had an accident and got 2 scar from in. ON MY HEAD hahaha. Well, I’m not sure why, but I’m somehow happy for that. The feeling of satisfied on doing something although am not sure what. It’s either having accident (well, obviously not) or how I handle everything well enough. I’m bleeding at that time and everyone said that I almost look like a ghost, you know those blooded ghost on the set. But, I calmly come to my sense and sit. And the medic quickly did something to my head and I was all set up for my further treatment. Wanna pat myself for a job well done. You have done it maturely. Hahaha. 

Komander work make a hard time for me too. But, choosing between quit or continue this work, I rather continue and have all the hard time. I have all the friends and help I can possibly get. As for me being an introvert make everything hard, but with this, having a bigger circle of friends is not impossible. And then, all the experience of being a komander. MasyaAllah. If you ever be in my shoes and see it in the bigger picture, you would understand. Seniors helped me so much. I always wanted sisters that protect and been there for you. Other than my family. Even your family sometimes cannot help you. I’m so grateful for that. Also, every knowledge I ever get here, I’m so thankful for that. Because we never ever get a manual to be good on something, not without experience. Although I ever had a very hard time, I will try to see the silver lining behind all the clouds, surely.

For my classmates. I don’t know if this will be permanent, but I pray for the No’s. They are likely to be drifting their selves away. I’m not sure whether I’m just being paranoid or it’s a fact. Everyone’s denial sounds like agreeing. We’re no longer have the same classes but only a few people though. Perhaps, everything are simply misunderstanding. But even if they ever misunderstood and get angry at each other, how to get to the way we were? One misunderstanding leads more of that. Now, everything seems so awkward. I always make fun of myself and ask dumb questions. So they will react with each other and laugh just like old times. But, there’s no longer reaction. They literally ignore me. I looked pathetic and I’m afraid that I’ll stop trying and no longer care. Well, I just hope it’s not as bad as I think. And for guys, everything seems okay for me, perhaps. Is it impossible for one to be close friends even with not seeing each other everyday? 

I hope we have a prosperity life ahead and may our hardships and mistakes be just the boundary for our success