my precious memory

Assalamualaikum,

I've got something to confess. It's a long story. But this is seriously a real one. Seriously.

After so many years (15 actually) I've found out that I have issue in making friends. Yeah, that took a while. But hey, I like to be alone. With my own books, hearing my own musics, sitting there where nobody will hurt me or vice versa. When it comes to my ex-classmates (A8), it turns out, I hurt their feelings. I mean, I've been very cold to them. Nahh, I'm the one who's hurt. hmmmm

First I met a group of people who live at the same block with me. There was hidayah, izzah, aina, amirah (except for her), and fatihah. We talked to each other but well let just say it's an awkward conversation when this group started to split up to the talkative side and the not-so-speaking-session side. I didnt mind that, well a little bit, because I'm the quiet one. Who doesn't? And then we need to make groups in the first class. Fatihah was on the other side of the class because there's not enough chairs for her. I somehow felt responsible to have her in my group, instead of my other same-block member. And then, somehow, she has her own group while my other member already group up. Well, what do you expect I felt like? Betrayed, angry, frustrated and yeah that sums up everything. But then, it turns out I'd be in a group with fatihah. My 'wish' comes true. Yeay me. I went back and somehow felt like not wanted. I've told my mother, but the least she can do is bracing me up, telling everybody have gone through this bla bla bla, felt pity. Honestly I cried. It didn't went well after all. hmmm. It's the first week of my studies, and it almost shows my path toward the end. Great.

However, Fatihah seems to be nice to me. I thought that maybe she didn't realise I would felt that way. So let bygone be bygone. One fine day, I brought a camera. I took some picture of my classmates. They were so awkward back then. And then, she wants to take a look. Well, in my opinion, it's my stuff, my little precious, my all selfie-taking gadget. So I politely say no to her. Suddenly, she snatched it. Okay. She scrolled it down, so I just say don't look at that pictures while covering the camera and guess what, she didn't listen. Atta girl. She pulled the camera away and whoosh, there you go, my all big time of selfie. Lots of them. I've never thought I took so much. And she laughs. I felt like being betrayed one more time. That feeling, that heat of anger. I'm so pissed off because she totally crossed the line. I really hate that to infinity. That was a really big mistake that I would never forgive from anybody (until now actually) From that onward, I've never been any closer to them, her specifically. Teruk kan? hmmm

to be continued...